"I can't say that love changes or not. But yes, people do change a lot because of that. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad and sometimes for the worse. And this change, whenever it occurs, never allows the person to be the same as before."
***
While clearing out my drawer the other day, I found a
crumbled piece of paper hidden in one of its corners. Normally, I would have
just picked it up and thrown it away but it caught my attention somehow. I
slowly opened and realized it had a short poem written on it. The moment I was
through it, I realized what it was. It was a poem written by my good school
friend Vanika on the day of her breakup. Her first breakup. I clearly remember
her first break up and I still get goosebumps when I imagine her in that state.
That was the moment after which she grew up and I dint like that at all. I
always liked her as the kid she was.
Vanika was one of my good friends during schooldays. She
had a childlike face, big round eyes which radiated innocence and very kiddish
smile. In short, Vanika was a happy go lucky girl until this day.
We were never the best of friends but shared our issues
regarding love, life, friendship, etc. We somehow understood each other’s point
of view and shared the same intellectual level.
Whenever we discussed relationships though, we always differed on our views. I
always felt that love, relationship and that feeling of togetherness was
something you should always experience. It was something beyond age, distance,
etc.
On the other hand, she felt that all that required an age and she’ll never fall
in love with a guy. I personally thought it was mostly because of the
conservative environment of her family.
But she did fall in love. Kabir did that to her. He made
her feel like she was the one and she gladly agreed. She eventually fell for
him and they were the cutest couple our school had ever seen.
Everything went on great for an year but then Vanika
committed a mistake and everything was over.
January
31, 2010:
It was our farewell from our school and Vanika was nowhere to be found. I heard she broke up with Kabir a week back but never really got into the things as I understood that this was something really bad and she needed time to get over this.
It was our farewell from our school and Vanika was nowhere to be found. I heard she broke up with Kabir a week back but never really got into the things as I understood that this was something really bad and she needed time to get over this.
I searched for her everywhere but couldn’t find her. And
then it struck me, where she was. I ran towards the terrace of our school. We always conversed there whenever we both felt low. I
heaved a sigh of relief as I saw her. Draped in a red Saree with a black overcoat and a cigarette in her hand, she looked
stunning. I went near her.
I noticed that her kohl was smudged and her cheeks were wet
from the tears she had recently shed. She held a piece of paper in her hand. I
took it from her hand and started reading it.
He was the only friend and lover…
Who flowed in me like
blood and air…
He was my love, he was
my need…
Infact he was the only
person in my life indeed
Goodddd! I can’t
forget his love and care,
His hands through my
hair…
The colour of his
skin, the refreshing smell of his odour,
I bet he was the
finest piece of god, the creator
I always believed we
made a perfect pair,
But somehow our
destinies were not that fair…
I realised, then cried
and apologised a million times…
But he always assured,
that my deed was not a mistake, It was a crime…
Haunted by memories of
his love and care,
I just hoped our split
was a nightmare…
Chatted with friends
and chanted for hours,
Just to mend my broken
heart…
Then something
happened which i never expected…
He found another girl
whom he readily accepted…
No one understands how
it feels,
It’s a feeling which neither
god nor any medicine can heal…
I gasped for air, My
heart pinched…
Eyes had swollen,
throat had burned...
My heart cried the
sounds which he never heard..
Yes! I was alive but
not living,
Coz somewhere in my
heart he was still wandering…
I am still standing
where he unclasped my hand…
Dejected in the dark, here
i stand…
May be I’ll fall
without him is my fear,
Or I hope he'll come
back to wipe my tear…
Holding my hand he'll
take me along,
This is the moment for
which i long…
I felt really bad for her. I just put my
arm on her shoulder and told her that I am there for her. She accepted my
embrace, hugged me and started crying again. For a while we just stood there.
Then I consoled her and we went back to
join the remaining farewell party.
But something after that day changed.
The innocence in her eyes was gone. The free kiddish smile was gone. The
childlike face was covered by a veil of maturity now. She changed. She grew up.
***
Smiling at that moment right now, I suddenly miss my old friend. But I guess,
that’s what the first break up does to most of us. It hits you and changes you
to an extent you never expected yourself to change. Such is life!
