CONFESSIONS OF A DRUNK LOVER!

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Can a teenage guy be drowned in deep oceans of love?

Isn't love more of a exploited term nowadays?

          Did he really love her so much or it was only because he was drunk?

Well, those were some of the questions Vineet asked me indirectly during one of our drinking sessions. Provide me your honest opinions regarding this. Happy Reading! :D

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CONFESSIONS OF A DRUNK LOVER...!

"LOVE FEEDS ITSELF ON PAIN AND SACRIFICE!"

‘Kuch bhi kaho, daaru peeke naachne ka mazaa hi kuch aur hai…’ Kunal and Anmol shouted in unison as they picked up another shot of vodka and gulped it down and started dancing crazily.

 I was just sitting on the stairs and laughing at their acts. It was really funny when they mixed up the lyrics of four Hindi tracks into one and danced on it. “Pyaar diwana hota hai, hote hote pyaar ki kashti mei dooobe jo hum mastana hota hai…”  Insanely Hilarious! 
Vineet sat beside me and kept drinking in silence. He was non-reactive to the whole situation. He always acted weird when we boozed like this. After 7-8 shots he’d stay shut and numb. Kunal always referred this behavior of his to the-alcohol-effect but I dint agree to him. There was something he hid in the dark corners of his heart. He just couldn't fake his feelings when the alcohol took him over. His eyes reflected pain.
Although I always shared a good rapport with him and we were good friends but he never shared this side of himself with me and I never tried invading his privacy. 

 Kunal’s terrace, 4 friends, large amount of liquor and awesome weather, the environment was just so perfect.

“Abhishek bhai, we are sleeping now...” Anmol shouted and headed towards the bedrooms on the floor below with Kunal. I just nodded coz they needed it. They were too high to do anything else. Another bottle of whiskey still left, I chose to sit besides Vineet and drink in silence.
I mean you can’t leave whiskey so easily, right? You gotta drink till you forget where you are. I was ready to face the boredom drinking. My love for alcohol was so pure, I thought and grinned.
 

5 minutes passed in silent drinking.
...
...

10 minutes of boring boozing.
...
...

15 minutes and I was getting irritated now.

How the hell are you supposed to drink silently? You do that for fun and not like oldies with K.L.Saigal tracks. We din’t even have the latter here. Huh!

Gladly to my plight, it started raining. God just bestowed the perfect weather for a fag.  Small drizzles of water poured and the smell of the wet soil crafted an amazing environment. Vineet was still silent but there was a change I noticed in him this time. His eyes were bloodshot red and tears were about to fall from his eyes. This increased my urge to know the reason behind it and I spoke, “Are you okay? “

He din’t answer. I thought he is probably much drunk than he should be.

I patted his shoulder and asked again, “You wish to share anything manh?”

He looked towards me, smiled a bit and stood up.

He was acting weird and I stood too, just in case he tries to jump off the building. I mean people can do that when they’re drunk and experiencing a nostalgic trip of memories makes you insane. You gotta be precautious. I thought to myself.He moved a couple of steps ahead and opened his hands wide to welcome the rains. It was raining heavily now…I calmed down and decided to light a cigarette to enjoy the weather. He was feeling the rain as I decided to sit on the floor and let the rain pour down.

Just as I was about to take a drag his heavy voice caught my attention,
“I speak to her on days like these. The days when it rains heavily. I invade my heart and I see her. She flashes her best smile at me. I hear the clouds roar as the rain pours down in gloom untouched by rays. It’s my soul and a part of hers that resides in me. Our souls talk as I shut my eyes and feel the raindrops streaming down my face without interrupting our conversation. Those words aren’t heard by anyone else. The feelings we share are inexplicable, immortal. It feels no one apart from us exists on this Planet. It’s me and my world.”Impressive words, I thought to myself as he spoke with his eyes closed, hands open wide as if he was hugging somebody and his heavily drunk voice. It was filmy yet intriguing.

“You may share whatever you feel to, bro” I said coz I felt he needed to vent this out. He was in pain and the culprit was his heart. It always has been this way. All the problems of the human species are because of this silly heart.He looked towards me and started speaking, “To get over the hangover of her love, I drink frequently. But I guess they don’t make good liquor nowadays, do they?” he laughed. His laughter cocooned pain though.
Maybe it was the hangover of her love which was too strong, I thought to myself.I put my hands on his shoulders and urged him to speak whereas in my heart I seriously pondered whether I should invade his privacy or not.

"All I have is memories. Simple sweet moments I shared with her which will last in my heart forever." He said.

"C'mon, you gotta share it with me." I still pushed him to speak.He sighed and uttered those words which I remember exactly even though I was too drunk.

“It’s almost been a year since I last saw her. 10 months since I last talked to her. As I look back, everything has changed. Life is a rollercoaster which has new twists and turns all the time you’re breathing. I have gone upwards towards my career objectives. I have matured as a person. I don’t laugh unnecessarily nor do I be sad or cry for stupid reasons.

Somethings have still not changed. I still miss her. She still occupies most of my busy time. The free time is obviously all hers. The love I felt for her the first day, has only grown more and more since then.

The pain of missing her has only multiplied every day. Love and Pain share the most amazing and blessed form of love in this world. They’re inseparable.

I look for her everywhere I go. Office, Parties, Hang-outs...Etc.
Whenever I talk to a girl, I try and find habits that match with hers. Her way of talking, her way of carrying herself and every damn thing about her. She is unmatchable. God made her flawless, unlike others.

Her face stays in front of my eyes 24*7. I close my eyes and I see her. Unable to bear that, I open my eyes and she disappears. I smile over this cause that’s what the reality is. I can have her only in my dreams and not in reality.

Her voice still echoes in my ears. That voice is still the cutest and sweetest I have heard. I wonder if I'll ever hear it again.
There are high times when I miss her to share my joys and there are low times where I yearn for the warmth of her hug.

There were days when her smile was all that mattered to fill my days with enormous joys; now are times when I search for my smile, the way it used to be when I talked to her.

There were days when I used to hear every minute detail of her life and used to share mine; now are times when I seldom talk, seldom share my true self with anyone. I felt so light then. I feel burdened with emotions now.

I remember she once laughed at a guy who used to stalk her and made silly mistakes while speaking English and since then, everytime we talked, I used to make an error just to make her laugh.

Just to be the reason for her smile, for a while, was worthwhile.

My parents doubted my smile during the times we were friends. Just the thought of her made me smile all through the day. She radiated happiness and I grabbed the most of it.; they still doubt my smile sometimes but for opposite reasons. Maybe I need that happiness again. I need her.

There were times when I used to get punished in school just to catch a glimpse of hers. I sometimes used to miss my school-bus just to see her board hers. Everytime she’d pass through the corridor smiling at me, my day was made. I would pump my fist into the air and jumped high to express my happiness. She was the one from the very start.

These small li’l crazy things are the only memories that make me smile over my craziness.

We once met on her birthday and while roaming through the mall she held my jacket for a while. Since that day, I have never let anyone touch that jacket. It’s not been washed or dry-cleaned. It carries her essence, her touch, her odour, her feel. Whenever I hold that jacket close to my heart, I feel I hold her. My nostrils are filled with her smell, my heartbeats’ thirst is quenched and I feel her close, damn close to me.

We once watched ‘THE NOTEBOOK’ at my place and she got too carried away after the movie. I was smiling all the way and felt contented. She called me a jerk and I so wished to tell her that I was busy noticing her than the movie.

We once bunked a class together in school and sat in canteen for two hours in silence. We just passed smiles during those two hours and those 2 hours are still the best silent 2 hours of my life. Sadly, It's only silence nowadays.

You know she once borrowed a novel from me – I TOO HAD A LOVE STORY. She read and cried through the ending of that book. The pages got wet with her tears. Those dry pages are one of the best memories of her with me. I caress those pages and smile. The novel is a priced possession which carries droplets of pure innocent emotions endured by the author which I never could.

For once in my lifetime, she brushed her shoulders with mine when we got clicked. That touch was sacred. Her presence was so divine. It feels as if I got a new life as she touched me. Touch which just lasted for a few seconds and created such magic. I just wonder what If…” and he sighs…I know he wishes something which he would never have.

I never get carried away with these silly love-stories but maybe it was the alcohol effect that took me over that day. Drops of tear make their way to his cheeks and rest there for a while. I can recognize them even though it’s raining heavily.  He stays silent for a while. We just stare at the wide expanse of the nature ahead of us. Maybe the girl is just like the horizon to him. He can see her, feel her but never have her. Sad.
Within a few minutes he takes out a cigarette and lights it up. He takes a couple of drags in and speaks,

“The only example of true love left in this world is the 'CIGARETTE' - It burns itself to give you pleasure.”

I never thought that deeply about a cigarette. Phew!
He took a couple of drags more and starts speaking once again riding in nostalgia.

“You know, like the presence of god is only felt by his true devotees, similarly, her presence is not known by others but only me. She looked like a goddess, she radiated divinity and she was sacred. I just can’t get enough of talking about her.”

“Dude, you surely are drunk..You’re comparing her to god…haha” I spoke with an intent to lighten up the mood.

He plainly smiled at me and replied, “She is, atleast for me. She made me meet an unknown part of myself. Had it not been her, I wouldn’t have known what love is. She made me experience all the positive emotions within us. Goodness, kindness, sacrifice, patience, LOVE...Etc. Even the idol gods haven’t been able to do that. So, she is, more than god for me.”

'Is he making sense or am I too drunk?' I questioned myself and spoke, “But dude she also gave you pain, hatred, drinking habits...Etc. what about these?”

He smiled and replied, “Love is one emotion which makes you go through all other emotions. The negative deeds or emotions I feel or went through were because I got addicted to her and every addiction has a price. These were cultivated by me and not her.”

I thought he has completely lost it. Lost it in love!

“Bhai, I am confused. When you love her so much then why isn’t she with you? Why this separation? N why are you in love when she’s already gone” I asked a series of questions altogether. I somehow felt irritated to his situation.

He faked a smile and recited one of the hindi poetry, “Wo mujhe chod bhi de toh haq hai usko….Wo mujhe chod bhi de toh haq hai usko…meri baat aur hai, maine mohabbat ki hai!”

He further said, “Sometimes the people you love make you feel the best and the worst at the same time. I feel great for my love for her but I feel worst for not having her to shower it upon.”

I was shut and confused. I asked, “Would you mind telling me the whole story bro?”

“Sab saali kuch ankahe shabdo ki kahaani hai” he laughed. 

I wanted to know his whole story but before I could ask anything else he took the bottle of the  remaining whiskey and shouted, "To the girl I have loved and the love I have lost." He gulped the leftover whiskey and headed downwards. He went to sleep and my questions were left unanswered.

It started raining heavily again. Maybe the sky felt what he did and the former just couldn't hold back.

Is that what love does to you? Weird. I thought to myself and headed to my bed as well.

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“A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world”

  - LOUIS PASTEUR