Excerpts From My Diary #1 - The Secret That He Is

"Why does this guy shove me away from him as and when he likes?" Garima yelled straight into my ears as I lit my Marlboro and took a deep drag in.

She had called me to discuss her love issues with this writer friend of mine. She was madly in love with a writer friend of mine for no known reason. The guy was totally away from her and I had warned her that it was gonna be a tough ride. But as girls are, she took the path which was not to be chosen.

She continued, "Either it's he who is confused, or I am over-thinking about all this stuff.  Day before yesterday he was so bloody sweet to me, he made me feel so special. He pepped up my mood and we walked together for two hours just chit chatting and being so into each other. I never wanted those hours to end. Later that night we were on phone till the wee hours of the morning. I told him every detail of my life even the ones I haven’t shared with anyone and he heard me and comforted me like a best friend. The sexiness of his voice still has its effect on me.

On such days, he gives me hope that someday we'll be together. These days are like my best days and I cannot help but think of the time when we would be together. But then, there are days like today when he acts so cold and indifferent towards me. He doesn't take my calls and just cuts off all connections from the world. His world. My world. Our world."

I patted her shoulder as she began crying. I completely understood what she was going through. I calmed her down and let her vent it all out.

"You know na Vineet, that days like these shatter me again and again. Days like these that make me feel that I was a moron for I chose this pain in hope to savour on his love someday but all this puzzles me. Zillions of questions storm my mind and I feel so helpless."

I gave her a shoulder hug as I lit another cigarette. We sat in silence for a while. After thinking for a while, she requested for my opinion.

I took a deep drag and looked deep into her eyes. They were just like a kid’s eyes. So much innocence and so much love. That guy is a lucky bastard.

"No matter how many books a writer writes, no matter how many characters he gives life to and no matter how many hearts he touches....the book of his life always remains a secret. A secret to everyone. His feelings, his emotions, his entire soul remains like an undiscovered pearl in the sea. Maybe you were entering in that territory and he’d never let anyone do that."

I took another drag, smiled and continued, “You’ve done something which no one has done in a long while. You’ve tickled his heart and that has sent him into his shell again. Of whatever I have known about him, he hasn’t felt anything but pain and sheer loneliness in the last 2-3 years but you’ve made him feel happy and that’s what’s troubling. Change is always disturbing. It’s like waking a part of him which has been sleeping for decades now.”

A big smile brightened her face and she was once again determined to get back to him.

I smiled too, but because I knew, her journey was going to be hard. Love and its mysterious ways.

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